Friday, January 12, 2007

How Can you Be in Love?

Someone ask me a question: "How can i t
ell am in love?", but it is not an easy question to answer. What feels like love to one person may be nothing more than attraction to another. Some people fall in and out of love quickly and often while others are never really in love as much as they ar in lust.

Love is the total surrender of your heart to another person with the security of knowing they will treat it better than you will. Love should feel good. It should not feel bad. Love should make you want to be a better person, it should not lead you to do something self destructive. Love is not demanding of your spirit but lifts it and makes it glow. Love is a good thing. Anything less is lust, deep friendship or attraction. So the sappiness aside, the question remains, how can you tell you are in love?

There is no easy way to find the truth behind your feelings or the feelings of another person but there are some tell-tale signs that love is blooming (or growing deeper). If you agree with 7 of the following 9 statements you are probably in love.

  1. You know, because you have been told by your significant other, that your deep feelings are returned in kind.
  2. The object of your affections makes you feel special and good about yourself.
  3. If/when you feel jealous it is always fleeting; you trust your partner not to betray you or hurt your relationship.
  4. Nothing makes you feel as serene as when you and your partner are together.
  5. When you fight with your partner you usually make up within a few hours and you always agree that nothing is more important than you both being able to express your true feelings (even if they sometimes cause conflict).
  6. Your partner never asks you to choose between him/her and your loyalties to your family and friends - if you do choose him/her over them you always have a good reason and it is always YOUR decision, and your decision alone.
  7. Neither you or your partner feel the need to test the other's loyalties or feelings.
  8. You are more yourself when with your partner than you are with anybody else.
  9. If sex is part of your relationship it is by mutual desire and agreement without the slightest hint of commitment testing or persuasion.
Things u should know about love:

  1. Love does not hurt. Physical and/or emotional abuse are not a part of love.
  2. Love is not manipulative, it should not be used to get others to do what you want. You should never give in to demands based on the, "You would do it if you loved me!" tactic.
  3. Love is an intense feeling of caring for another person. It can take many different forms (romantic, friendly, familial) but it is always about caring.
  4. Although it is true that a big part of love is putting another person's happiness ahead of your own this never includes compromising your values or being untrue to yourself.
  5. If somebody asks you to do something that you don't want to do in order to "prove" your love they do not love you the way you might think they do. When you love another person you don't ask them to sacrifice a part of themselves in the name of that love.
  6. It is very easy to confuse lust for love. The true measure of romantic love is commitment and trust not physical attraction.
  7. It is possible to feel romantic love for more than one person at a given time. Just think, if it is possible for you to love both of your parents at the same time why would it be impossible to feel romantic love for two people at once? Don't beat yourself up emotionally if you find yourself in this unhappy situation. But be sure to remain single and be open and honest with all parties about your feelings and confusion.
  8. Sex is NOT love. Love is NOT sex. Sex can be a part of romantic love but it is never mandatory.
  9. Romantic love can (and often does) fade. When it goes there is not always a reason. When somebody falls out of love with you it does not reflect upon your value as a person or your desirability.
  10. Love should make you feel happy, secure and appreciated.
To be continued with another quiz......

9 comments:

Trybless said...

nice analogy about love

Anonymous said...

Very introspective.

bantutu said...

Number 7 is still ringing in my head...U can lavv 2 people romantically at the same time...Jamaa u shuld be my shrink..hihi! Love?A resolve of yours this year perhaps?

Pekiro said...

@future diplomat: Dr. Love!

@aegus: That a must read 4 evrybody

@bantuts:This a different year. I must answer everyone who ask me anything abt love!

Unyc said...

No wonder the Nation writer put u up as a Love doctor.

In my opinion Love has no meaning and its just a feeling that no can express in words.

Nice write up!

bantutu said...

@Unyc:Really....PMSL @Love has no meaning....
Yeah this guy has some great theraputic stuff...Except the times he decides to handle a hammer and it backfires lol @Pekiro!!
Ziggizao ziggiblao...I'm gone...4 a meetup withh a certain grey creature...

Pekiro said...

@unyc: Love is very complex, u cant predict neither can u decide..it juz happens!

@bantuts: U deserve a gr8 bunch! speed kaa bunduki, makofia kama bilau..upigwe risasi kwa shingo.

Klara said...

he!u seem 2 know alot about this stuff!
am impressed...

Pekiro said...

@Klara..i know more coz i do alot of research on it

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